Differences

Because I speak out my mind, does that make me bad?
Should I just keep it in, and act like an adult?
An adult that keeps everything in.
Is that growing up?

An adult,
That lies to cover up the truth,
one that does not speak his heart,
one that is supposed to be emotionless,
one that is supposed to act strong in front of others,
one that says he is busy.

Many things, people expect ‘adults’. But I dont care, about growing up or becomine one. If I cannot speak up my mind, then I dont want to be something called an ‘adult’.

I speak up in class, never become untruthful to myself, even if someone pressures me, Its just not me, I do what I want and when I want it. Defending my statements keeps me what I am. Does that make me different?

Different from others, in the sence that I speak up where everyone just defies themselves? Many differences…

Some think being harsh to people they love, makes them stronger but that is not true. In certain times it helps, but in most of them it doesn’t. It causes pain and frustration. People want to be understood, is it an adult or a child.

Speaking up in an relation is very important to build and advance it.
Without it there is none. No relation. No friendship. Nothing.

Some people just do not understand this.
They will keep on breaking other’s hearts.

Differences… Between us.

Empty whole

I want your fury and I want your lips,
to touch mine and to be kept like this.
Throw all your passion, all your fury at me.
All your regret and all your sorrow, cant you see,
I want your love, I don’t want to be friends.

Blow me apart,  and feel me through,
Come to me, I am your fool, I will stay with you.

You know I want you, to fill this empty hole in my heart,
with all your emotions and desires to tear my apart.
To set me free because we know, you and me.

I want your illness and I want your negativity,
to fill me and leave this empty hole,
into nothing more than misery.

Love, LOVE. 
I DONT WANT TO BE FRIENDS.

Redemption

I’ve been defied and i’ve been deceived.
I’ve been hated, and i’ve definitely been mistreated.

Been a muslim, am a muslim, will die as a muslim.
Because of that many people looked differently towards me.

This screaming pain inside crushing all senses of being.
All shackles of a human being broken by agony.

Do you understand, You, Who never came looking for me.
You who never replied, you who just accepted.

All this time I thought I was to blame, but these tables will turn round and round and then you will have to choose, Life or Death.

Muslims are a disease.

A dutch minister who lives in Almere, Netherlands had some big statements in this video, his words summarized, contained the message that everything that is in one line with Islam should be taken care of. Meaning, to not allow any muslim activities, even going as far as not allowing to butcher animals in an Islamic correct way, Halal. He simply said that that was harmful for animals. I was utterly disgusted. His ignorance was amazing. His main statement was that Islam is an threat to society. He talked with very much disrespect about Muslims in my opinion. First video is the interview. Second one is someone without an religion, you dont have to be dutch to understand whats going on, basically. Only that the black guy does not want to be viewed on television, and thats why he gets mad.

1. Minister

2. Random black guy spits on minister (not same)

Update School/Life

And in the end, I just gave up on boxing. My mindset evolved once again and I do not think fighting is necessary anymore. However staying in shape is. Thats why I will keep on working out regularly and try to live accordingly. School is not booming right now, but it is OK. I will try to improve grades and penetrate the top 5% of my study within this year. Something I will be focusing on is to become an millionair before I turn 21. This way I can have a certain influence on this world in the long run. To reach this goal I will use my intellect, instinct and will ask for help. I will not make money by doing things an monkey could do as well. Profitable, that is.

Wish me good luck.

SKDR ~

Tyrants

Tyrant/Tiran(Greek). A cruel and oppressive dictator.
Terrorist, Terror, Terrorism. Terrorism is the systematic use of terror especially as a means of coercion, meaning forcing one to act in a way one would not voluntarily.

Adolf Hitler, Kim Jong- il, Saddam Hussein, Jozef Stalin, Fidel Castro.
People with gifts to provide leadership. They know how to gain sympathy and support. Both in domestic areas and in international areas. Some may recall their contributions as negative to this world. But really, based on what are these leaders being remembered in this way? They had full support of normal beings, people like you and me. Those people had children, they had families. They had lifes with all the pleasures and pains. What is it that these leaders promised that whole groups of people were supporting them.

Bush, John F. kennedy. American presidents, always propagandated as being just, being severe to anything that strikes human welfare.
But what do people think about the ‘Abu ghraib’ incident, Hongarian torture acts done by the CIA, and of course the invasion of Cuba at the Bay of Pigs in 1961. If one may not know these incidents, one should acquire knowledge. These and many more which have remained unknown to the public. These acts are definitely not in accordance with human wellfare. In fact, these acts can and should be adressed as terrorist acts. If one fully understands this, then it is easy to see that there is no real justice on this world.

Terrorism, Such a fearful word.  When did this word really started to affect our daily lives. Nowadays, it seems terrorism and Islam are always written in one sentence. Due to the lack of godly powers I cannot say if this is true, that Muslims have gone mad, or that someone is really trying to stop an religion which is growing faster than researchers can keep up with, that is the truth and its definitely measurable. Are people just following each other or is it really the path? Is there a pattern noticeable?

Every Tyrant, in the form of an inspiring leader, has brought some kind of value to this world. This world now is what all the Tyrants have created alltogether. Their minds, their ways of doing can and will never abandon us. Some are remembered as heroes, others as criminals. But in reality, there is no difference between them. The goal was the same, eventually, only the ways of doing were different. And interpretations of others made it good or bad.

Can a mere human lead others in the end? The answer will always be no. Because human capacities are equal. A leader should be divine, as long as that is not the case, the leader will always make flaws, noticeable absolute and measurable data.

If you found this piece of writing on the net and read it, and are in despair; Try believing in G.O.D. Gather knowledge and find the right path for you. Dont hesitate. Dont believe in mumbo-jumbo. Truth is objective and measurable. And heads up; Dont ever blame the baker if his bread burned black. Dont judge the religion by looking at the people who are said to be an associate of that religion.

If you found this piece of writing on the net and read it, and are not in despair; carry on as you were doing before you read this.

The future

Now, the internet, gps and the begin of hybrid engineering.
In 20 years most likely nano communications and almost no privacy.
Everything ID-tagged, a ‘better’ world.

I’m not sure if I want to be part of such a world, but its not like I have a choice. I hope I’ll at least die an honourable death, not killed by a chair. Or something like that.

lol.

On the edge, my edge.

Pushed back, been pushed back.
Tough times baby,, tough times.
At some moments so desperate,
no energy at all to improve, to be efficient.

Flow of things on the low, have to be patient.
Sometimes just losing it, almost begging for help.
Truth is, as it seems, unavoidable…

Time seems endless. Cant find things that are usefull.
Just want to throw everything in the garbage.
Cant seem to find energy for the things I want to do..
and keep doing things I dont prioritize as important.
What is it, that I’m waiting for. Is there something ?

Even though, it seems like we’re making progress somehow.
But somehow it just feels so useless..

The path to succes, only able when I surpress.

2009~2010

A year that has been precious to me like any other year.
One with more regrets and more sorrows than any other year.
Pain and agony, characteristics of this period.

The good experiences seemed to be overshadowed by greed and a curse to progress. Thinking that progress was being made, actually still remaining at the starting point. A good year, like any other year. But still precious to my development. Because I can only learn truth when I make mistakes. I hope that the upcoming year will not be as cruel as this one has been, and that I will fulfill my expectations a little and find balance in this rushful life. They say ‘Ignorance is a bliss’ but for me knowledge is the path to walk upon.

Singapore, 888-666, Driving license, L… ?

To a new year, with new hopes,

Happy 2010.

New site

I have a new site up and running called lucidinfatuation.wordpress.com, started it because I myself was feeling a bit down and uninspired. I thought that more people have problems with things like that, so thats why I started it. Mainly its just notes to get a grip on things one is busy with, is it losing weight or achieving another goal. I am not dumping this site or whatever, this site is precious to me like a steering wheel is precious to a racer. Like a piece of wood is precious to a panda. Like cards to a poker player. Ye ye ye, you get the point. I’ll keep my personal things here.

Well that’s my short note, just to let you know.

Leeche(r)s

When I think about it, friendship with some people. It keeps coming to my mind, that some persons are only using me, to be ‘popular’ or to leech from. Most of the time those persons seem necessary for me, even though they dont seem to have any positive effects on anything. Then I wonder, why is it that I cannot let them go, the way I treat most of the people.

In particular this one person, that in, the years I have been friends with, never really seemed to have any positive effects on me. But saying it like this seems harsh. I wonder, why it feels like we have so much in common even though are ways are so different, it is a real mystery. Also with some tests we have the almost the same results. He does not care who he lies to, I lie to people I do not care about. He does not feel indebted to people, not one bit, never. I try to never get indebted with others and cant stand it.  

It might be that I’m more like him than I think I am, because it is true when they say that you attract people like yourself. Flaws seen in others is most of the time a flaw in oneself. It is a mystery to me. Time will tell most likely, if I am really like him, when I get to know myself a bit better. — SKDR

Update School/life

Been busy these days.. well actually, busy with nothing when I think of it. Boxing and working-out quite regularly now, just helped out at school last weekend. For my study, TMA. Had to explain what the study is about. Quite some people were interested, the number of attendents were more than the last couple of years. Also joined a presentation about TMA, were a third and fourth year student told their stories, one went to Chengdu and the other to a place of which  I cannot remember the name of.. the names are not what you would say, simple.. at least not for me.

Also the place where I want to go for exchange is most likely Singapore Nanyang Uni. Its in the top 20 business schools of the world and I smell opportunities lol. My coordinator and Japanese teacher would probably rather see me go to Japan, but I am not feeling right about that choice. I dont think the chances are too bright there right now. Especially for the raw lifestyle of 7 days of work and no fast promotions. Singapore seems better in that view, feels like performance gets paid much quicker, hehe. Another point that catches my attention is the low(er) costs of living, which is great. Japan is quite expansive. China is cheap, but the language does not fit me.

Oh well, this is it for now. — SKDR

Return

Late at night cycling home. Breaking dawn yet to come.
Wind is blowing, the night seems restless.

Thinking of the mistakes I made, the people I left.
The choices I made, the consequences it had.
Sometimes wondering if it all really was for the better.
Was there not another way..

Thinking of shadows that are haunting these nights,
people without a place to go, no future, no hope anymore.
Lost everything, now lost in theirselves, left alone.

When did all this sorrow start, why did it become like this.
When spiritual leaders start to cry, it must have been more than enough.

Waiting for the return, return of love, truthfulness and faith.

バイオリン。

Instrument so fragile, so strong.
independent beautiful, arranged magnificent.
A touch misplaced is easily known and felt,
therefore this instrument should be handled with care.
It is as wonderous as a female body.

Bunny Boiler – Balls of Steel

Balls of steel. I’ve known it for quite some time now, it is succesful on youtube and the Dutch have it on the tv these days. The program has some serious insane kind of humor, but its funny. This part of the program was horrible in an epic way. I know I might not be the best for the ones I love, but this was the climax of epic fail. Watch it!

3-day. Mehndi, Nikah and Walima.

Laughter, joy and filled stomaches. Might be a bit too crowded and with unfamiliar faces for me, but good it was.

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2031047&id=1300816722&l=ab8b7197a2

lacigolotno xodarap ???

Close to diner time. Weather outside is cold but not freezing. Its rainy, but hell, when does it not rain in this country. 19/\11>19/\5 tags along with 23/\14>7/\14 by bike, to make sure arrival at home will be safe. They decide to take another route just to be on the safe side. Even though 1911195 remembers something about dangers in the area they will travel through, that does not seem to be relevant somehow. After taking the other route they notice that it is not possible to travel through anymore. Even though the original route is not safe,  they decide to travel through anyways, since turning back is not a possibility now.

After cycling around the forest they finally arrive at the entrance, the only way forward. Flashes of people telling 1911195 that the place is not to be entered come to mind, despite it they move in. After cycling for 10 minutes they need to turn right onto an unsurfaced road. Right before turning a body is noticed by both, and 1911195 acts towards 2314714  like they are just rushing telling her ‘come on hurry up, its nothing’ while surpressing horrifying emotions. They both turn right  and see a man a man tightened on to a chair, having some kind of weird flour-like substance in his mouth. While seeing and realizing what has been seen, they approach and suddenly drop by some hindrance blocking the road. 1911195 is not able to move and is not able to see clearly, hearing 2314714 scream.

His head lying on its left side, he sees another person tightened on to a chair. He clearly remembers this person. Its 1/\17>4/\14. It might have been a couple years when he last saw her. Her mouth is taped and for some reason she is keeping her eyes tightly closed. Wanting to help her but 1911195 is not able to move. Signs of the same kind of flour-like substance is noticeable on her face. Suddenly she starts to push her chair backwards agressively without opening her eyes, seeming most likely the chair had wheels. She falls off something and a noise is heard. Thereafter there is silence. A long silence. 1911195 knows someone or something is standing in front of him, but refuses to look. Minutes go by without anything happening. Finally he manages to move his head to look.  He sees ‘the same’ white male murderer standing before him, staring at him, and 1911195 knows what will become of his faith.

*Dev Art by Mishuku.

These nights.

These nights on my own.
Gracious silence, somehow glad that I’m alone.
Anxiety not, only peace of mind.

Hourglass seems to stop, endless silence until the sounds of the morning break through the night into the dawn. Passionate sorrow as time refuses to return,
as time refuses to return.

Not willing to share, selfishly enjoying. No regrets, consequences infinite, even though a chance of losing everything. Without faltering moving forward, without hesitation, not holding back. Darling, This darkness is bittersweet, an era with possibilities as for death is not the end, yet a trigger for the new.

Dreaming, visions of a future that shows none other than bloodshed and regret. Horrible pain, that must never be erased. Stuck in a time only wanting to be cured,
there is no escape.  Only fear that did not left.  Forever, for eternity. Candles lighted,  shadows ignited, burning pain without being alive.

Time cautiously ticks away hour after hour, my will to sleep keeps me awake.

Dreaming, visions of a future that shows none other than happyness and youth.
An era without human leadership, without forgone and grudged spirits.
Without a black coat crawling around our shoulders, filled with guilt,
sadness and death.

Angels, Demons nor Spirits have any intentions of leaving,  their place is with us. Cold harsh lonelyness, Deep in their hearts, Deep in their hearts. 

Let them not weep when it is time to let go what they sought, 
because soon enough those memories will be forgot.      

 

 

3 Nights without days.

Chaos, Murder, Darkness.

Gog and Magog.

Dajjal.

しょうらい

1
.

 

2
.

3
.

 

Gloomy Sunday.

Gloomy sunday, or better known as ‘The Hungerian Suicide Song’. Many have died due to this song. Pain and sadness is one in it, to those with a broken heart it might sound cruel. That the so called curse is interesting is inevitable due to its past. Lets not talk more and lend it our ears.

Gloomy Sunday — Szomoru Vasarnap

~ The origin.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HAzJ_7CeWbc

 

Back from being away.

Oh well, what did u think, this being my home of philosophies. Cant get away, If this is the place I belong. So here I am, back from being away.

Its been too long since I have (obviously) written to myself. It seems this place is becoming a graveyard of my memories, so time to fire things up again. Next to that the doxer is not (understated!!) using this blog, so I changed it a bit. Oh well, time for me to cut the bullshit, and write me a nice recap of what happend in the time I didn’t write. Useless information; Its 04:17, Listening to NAS-America, feeling sad. Oh yes, I have an appointment with the barber at around 10:00, so yes.

Ah yes… the begin of a new year, 2009. I felt a bit bored at school so I started studying IBMS next to TMA. I had to study german >_<, otherwise the advisor of the IBMS study would not let me. *Pah* Oh well, There were also fun subjects like MM2, all about Marketing. We are now at the end of the year, and I did passed all the tests, but I’ve decided to drop IBMS and only take the extra points I earned. Because all the stupid teachers are very bothersome, not responding to emails of asking them to fill in my grade.(It can’t be filled in due technical problems of me studying 2 studies)On top of that I would be having average of 80 hours of lessons to attend next year, compared to the average of 60 hours a week this year(thats + IBMS). I had to skip lessons this semester to be able to attend more important lessons. It was quite stressful and as you may know the higher education, especially at the HES(!), you have to fix everything yourself. Also there are groups of disgusting people all over the place filled with closed minded, you never know if those people are to be trusted.

I had also been doing some photo shoots, at first for fun just because I was asked to take part, and finally one shoot for a fight magazine. I’ll add one of the shots that were for fun in this post, just for when I feel sad, so that I can cheer up from it hopefully.

I stopped with working parttime at the advisory, because I was just too busy with school. I just recently stopped with working out at a local gym and started boxing at ’seconds out’, a professional box gym. I intend to take this very seriously and I will try to take on the professional world.

I would like to buy a violin and a electronic drum set in the future. It is the same like with skating, I do not understand a bit of both, but I will conquer both and learn to play on a above intermediate level, because my inner self says so.

At this current moment I feel not at ease, I feel not relaxed and I definitely feel not at my own pace. I feel pushed around, and most of all, I feel hurt. I feel that I’ve lost parts of myself, being charismatic and especially energetic. It seems that I pushed myself too hard these months. I want to find myself in a better position, and regain my mental strength. That is one of the reasons that I urged to come back to this place, to find the frustration that is slowing me down. My place, My Memories, just like a second mental home.

Oh God help me. Save me. Dont let me fade, let me shine.. ~ !

Unique propositions of me.

This is me,

One that loves his family.
One that is moderate on your pace, but better on his own.
One that loves to search for new challenges.
One that talks big,  but would probably never leave you alone.
One that believes in god to such an extent,
willing to sacrifice all, even his friends.
One that is very strong and can be cruel,
but when deeply in love can come around like a fool.

One that is a perfectionist,
One that hardly rests for a bit.
One that is good all alone,
but better with a girl for his own.

One that loves sports and loves to dance,
one that loves to sparr and kick ass.
One that doesn’t hate to lose,
as long as it’s not by an ignorant fool.

One that will always look at life happily,
one that will try to cheer for everyone unexceptionally,
One that tries and tries even while hurting,
one that cries but never stops searching.

One that thinks that mental growth is of high value,
yet follows his feelings without a direct clue.
Always sets the bars high, to make sure it will be a little hard to move.
Just started a second study, because one may have a lot to proof.

One that isn’t scared of the death,
because laying in one’s opinion, the coffin is only for a little rest.
One that tries not to pass judgement onto humans,
because knowing that god sees all, one takes in all evil doings.
One that tries not to live a lie,
one that will never stop searching for his perfect wife.

Walk Alone.

Put all your angels on the edge
Keep all the roses, I’m not dead
I left a thorn under your bed
I’m never gone

Go tell the World I’m still around
I didn’t fly, I’m coming down
You are the wind, the only sound
Whisper to my heart
When hope is torn apart
And no one can save you

I walk alone
Every step I take
I walk alone
My winter storm
Holding me awake
It’s never gone
When I walk alone

Go back to sleep forevermore
Far from your fools and lock the door
They’re all around and they’ll make sure
You don’t have to see
What I turned out to be
No one can help you

I walk alone
Every step I take
I walk alone
My winter storm
Holding me awake
It’s never gone
When I walk alone

Waiting up in heaven
I was never far from you
Spinning down I felt your every move

I walk alone
Every step I take
I walk alone
My winter storm
Holding me awake
It’s never gone
When I walk alone

http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?zyedz4dnjoo

Grades of Second Block!

Financial Accounting > 7.8 !!
Management Information Systems > 5.2
Marketing > 7.0
Management and Organisation > 6.0
English Writing > 6.3
English Reading > 8.3
English WEBCT > 7.0
Young Entreprise Continuous Assessment > 8.0
Young Entreprise written reports > 8.0
Young Entreprise Interim Presentation > 8.0
Japanese oral exam > 7.0
Japanese written exam > 7.1
Physical Education > 8.0
Cross Cultural Analyses presentation > 8.5
Cross Cultural Analyses continuous assessment > 8.2

AVERAGE OF 7.36

Opinion “Tegenlicht – De Eeuw van Azië by Kishore Mahbubani”.

(http://www.vpro.nl/programma/tegenlicht/afleveringen/39880046/media/39991351/?bw=bb&player=wmp&media=39991351&refernr=&hostname=www&portalid=programmasites&x=48&y=7#

When I started to watch the video and I saw Kishore Mahbubani standing and watching himself in the mirror, I could tell that he would be a man with a strong opinion. Before starting to watch it, I searched for some information about him by using Wikipedia, to see what he had achieved so far in his life, and to understand a bit the way he would most likely think and what he would know. I read that he had been all across the world and had written a couple of books. I noticed that his origin is from Pakistan, what happened to be the origin of my mother.

He began by telling what he thought would be the greatest countries in the world in the future, I agreed with his vision, since it was very realistic, when we take a look at the growth of the Asian upcoming countries. Soon thereafter he emphasized that creating wealth in Asia does not mean the Asians are going to take over the western values. One of those values is the need for democracy, what I personally do not perceive as being very important. He makes clear that the West wants to dominate the world even though they only contain 12 % of the world and want to dominate the other 88% and everything different from their culture values is seen as bad. I agreed with all of the statements, it is not that I did not question his quite extreme vision, but I have been watching news often lately and saw how especially the VS thinks that they are the rules of this world. And that’s why I agree, because I have done research to see if the examples are true, and this man has done more than enough research to support his vision. Good examples are that Belgium has more voting power than whole China in the IFM, that to become the head of the world’s most powerful institutions people have to have a certain background, that is not Asian. I think that is disgusting to see how for example Asians are being held back, are not allowed to grow, are criticized only out to their negative points.

To come back to why I said that I find democracy not so important. That is because I think the human right are extremely important and that every human has their rights and that they are supported and protected by laws. But that does not mean that there Immediate need for a democracy, since that is only being able to vote. And people who did not study political or economical issues, they will be led by the mass of people and by what they see (what kind of people they can choose from, for example presidents in US). For instance, someone charismatic and good at talking but with bad propositions will chosen more likely than someone with better propositions and lesser human skills.  Because if everyone would hate Muslims and there would be a voting to kick them out and everyone agreed, that would be done even though that is not correct, in my opinion. There are malfunctions in that way of ruling a country in my opinion.

It’s obvious that Western countries think in terms of ‘we’ and ‘they’, and the ‘we’ are the ones who share the same western religion. That is also what Kishore emphasizes, and he gives an example of how Russians broke done while the Western did nothing to help them. It’s not that I hate America or whatsoever, but Americans always talked big about human rights, but they are still breaking those laws. American producers, papers, everyone knows. There are many movies and series being made in which we see all kinds of frauds, some of them containing facts of real frauds that have occurred like Guantánamo Bay. There are many movies and pictures to find on the Internet in which we can see women being raped in Iraq. It is also a fact that Saddam Hussein was killed on right before a day when Muslims celebrate for offering animals for poor people, in Dutch called ‘Slachtfeest’. In Iraq a lot of people did not want that to happen, because it was a happy and peaceful period and people should not be killed, but still the Americans went through with it, like if they had a hurry to have it done and get rid of some evidence. My apologies for writing a bit too off-topic.

My schoolmate An-Nur wrote in her piece that Western people were trying to dominate the world and that Asians would do that as well if they were as powerful. But by writing that, she firstly admits that the Western is still trying to remain the rulers, even though their infrastructure is failing, especially that one of the Americans. Secondly, Asians are not a whole, they are not common through religion, size or way of ruling. They are learning of the mistakes that others make, and are trying to improve and are taking their fellow countries with them, by showing how it is done. It is not only that China is growing but a total other country that differs in almost everything named India is growing in power also. “India is a open society with a closed mind, and China is a closed society with a open mind”. Especially by that quote it is noticeable that Kishore is from the East, since I know the Indian values and If one would ask a Chinese, they would agree with the part of China also. The Asians are inspiring all the countries in the world, even the Muslim Mid-East countries. They are seeing the massive progress in Asian countries and are being motivated. While Western are criticizing values of their religion(s). (Wilders, Denmark, America calling Iran the ash of evil > Islam) Western must adapt to change of  world and not vice versa.

Violence or criticizing another culture is senseless. It just does not make sense. Democracy has become some sort of invisible law in this world, to be seen as a certain friend and not as an enemy. After the Chinese saw how the Russians self destructed, they understood, their system could not handle a complete turnover overnight. They are willing to change, but they need their time to maintain their order, what is seen as one of the most important values in China, it is hated to be confronted with negative things in front of people, especially in front of the whole world. That is why they hid their bad ‘parts’ of their city with the Olympic games, because they wanted to maintain their ‘face’ as much as possible. Western society has always been more self-centered than Asian countries. Kishore also emphasizes the importance of order and peace in China. He also explains perfectly how a violent approach (takes as example Iran) can disturb relations between countries. What could save America and other Western countries from their downfall, would be by setting the example by thinking in ‘us’, the humans, instead of ‘we and them’. And try to adapt to changes in the world and not only by expecting others to adapt. And if they can set that standard under the lead of Barack Obama, that would benefit the whole world.

 

なみだ

 

I’ve been nothing more than a Prisoner of Love.
I’m sorry I never knew how to love you.

Grow into Change.

Mentally we all change, from time to time, our point of view. I personally changed beyond recognization when involved in ‘love’ relationships. Changing all the values of mine, especially in my years of change due to puberty. Furthermore, I was so vulnerable, my indications in wrong and right changed drastically. I will not deny that I, as all of the humans on earth, am still vulnerable to values of those among us.

My first relationship was a friend of a friend of mine, I met her when we went to the swimming pool. At that time I think I started wearing contacts but am not sure. This relationship mentally changed me, since I loved someone because that person loved me. Because she and I were both religous(even though not the same), we never kissed or anything, only held hands. She wanted me to be with her, only her. And to reach to that extreme she cried and cried a lot, asking for my support and forcing me to leave my friends and stay beside her. She told all my friends, that they did not know anything about me, that they should never talk to me anymore. When she even went as far as talking about suicide, I could not bear it anymore and broke all contacts with her. That changed my introvert character at that time into a more extrovert person, because I started to value and rely more on friends.

Second relationship was with a girl who was popular throughout my school. I always looked up to her, since she always looked so confident, and was actually older than me and was admired. She had lots of boyfriends (What I really did/do not like(d) at that time), had been into several serious relationships, had more life experience, and always tried to get 6’s for schoolexams(back then, I always tried to get the best out of me by studying hard and just going for as high as possible I thought I could reach) and for me the worst, she smoked and drank, which I both dislike. She was totally different compared to me. She always treated me like a nerd, because I had been wearing glasses and had bracelets. Thats kind of nerdy, I admit. When I started wearing contacts, I noticed people around me started treating me differently, I was not seen as a complete nerd anymore, she also treated me in a different way. She also heared of friends that I just got a girlfriend. She was very jealous, because she liked me a long time and wanted to be with me (as she told me, when she had ‘taken’ me). Because right after I broke up with one, she talked to me at a friend’s birthday.

Even though I knew she only said that because she was now attracted to me, the changed me without glasses. Even though I knew, she was completely different than me. Even though I knew she used my sister at a certain point to get information about me. I just wanted to be with her, since I liked her even before I met my first girlfriend (I had seen her as unreachable). Because I had a relationship with her, she made it a custom to kiss me whenever I saw her or whenever I said goodbye. She made me into a more confident person, to be able to talk in public more casually. To become stronger. She told me to dont worry, to follow my dreams. She changed my values of love totally, into a more western way of thinking. To say “I love you” all the time, to be all the time with the one you love, to kiss the person always whenever leaving. I now realise that that were not my values, not the values I have been raised with. But have become common with through her.

At a certain point in the relationship she could not take it anymore that I would not go further than a certain extent in love, because that value always remained in me. To not do things where marriage is founded for. Thanks to her, my complete character changed enormously. From a bit extrovert into wholly extrovert. My huge effort style in school also changed into a ‘6’s mentality. Next to that, everyone started to see me as a popular leader and a trendsetter, a player. Everyone forgot the serious and shy, the nerd in me. There only remained the cheerfull and confidence.

Third relationship. I assumed she never trusted me, because I knew how people thought of me. The guy who all the girls have their eyes on. Might sound arrogant, but I do not mean in that way. Actually, I never really really went out with girls, since a real relationship was only the second of mine, and she always took the lead. This girl expected me to know everything and to take the lead in what to do. I was confused. I also kissed her in public, what she did not liked in the beginning(When I come to think of it, because of ‘good’ values she had, which were ruined back then on my part). In the time I have been with her, she changed in those values. She did not seem to mind it that seriously anymore. I regret having probably changed that value within her. While seeing her push to her limits with studying, I always remained relaxed, just going for the 6’s. But at a certain point, I started to go for 8’s instead. It had to with her changing me and also something else. Will come back to that later on. She changed my values by just doing so, always acting in certain ways. I started to change again, into a more introvert person, though not with less confidence, but to become a more decent person again. (in my opinion). My vision of love, on kissing in public and on what love ment changed completely. Because I started to focus more on study, started to say less “I love you’, and work harder, in order to prove it without saying the words. I felt more love than I ever felt in my life. This person changed me into what I am today. And I’m thankfull. Since now is when I am happy with myself. (even though there will always be place for improvement).

The last thing what changed my 6’s attitude into a 8’s attitude was an anime. It sounds totally odd, melodramatic and more to sum up. Though it is really true. The anime made me see in what kind of world we live and made me realise a lot of things just by making me interested in the thoughts behind the anime. It also made me a more religous person, more than I’ve ever been. To made me realise god is the who can save us and bring us salvation.

Having summed up this after taken myself as an example, we can all see that persons, anime, music, movies, whatever it is. Everything can change us, bad or good (In our opinion and vision, in the way we are brought up, since it is universal, it does not have a meaning on his own). Because good is what we perceive as good, and also vice versa. The more important the ‘person/object’ is to you, the greaters it’s effect on you. The more you will enjoy the little things because of it’s importance to you.

Points of view, Universal.

There is no righteous nor evil.
There is no good nor bad.
There is no right nor wrong.

All, can be seen in many perspectives, in many ways.
In my blog as well, you see more titles, discussing the same,
yet total other conclusions. Because there is not only one path.

How do you want to remembered?

This world is rotten.
This world is fake.
This world is full of seduction.
This world has nothing to offer, really.

How do you want to be remembered?
Remembered, by others and by yourself.
What you could sum up, that you like about yourself.

Time ticks, it won’t stop, it can’t stop.
This is fate, this is our destiny, to be born on this world.
Everything next to that, is within our powers, to change.
If change is what we find necessary, it can be done.

But still. How exactly would you like to be remembered?
The strong silent one, or rather the extrovert, the easy-to-talk-to.
What characteristics are you proud 
                                                 of and
                                                       which ones would you deny?

Now tell me, How do you want to be remembered,
                                                          by yourself and by others,

And what we asked, is what we will get. A change.

Obama won.

“I dont want a nigger in the white house”.
“I cant believe americans choose for a disgusting terrorist”.
“What has become of our free country,
                          there is a muslim in the white house now”.
“He will give money to his people and steal it from us.”
“I dont want a muslim in our white house”.

Obama is the one, with the brains to solve some problems.
But why do people think that he can be some kind of god.
He is just a human, but he uses his potential as a normal human.
Closed minded, Open minded, both shall judge.

Flaws will be made, hate will grow, unity so far away.
That is why a human cannot make the change, what is necessary.
Even though the puppet has brains, it will do what it’s master tells him.

Rich & Poor

Seeing a reporter saving a little child in Congo,
Who’s almost ran over by people dying because of lack of food.

A reporter, compared to a country which has hundreds of millions,
yet saving more than a whole unity. What has become of us…

Awkward isn’t it. Americans playing the god of this world,
And they never even put a step in all these years,
never put a step in Congo to achieve anything concerning peace.

Only attention for elections of who’s going to be the next puppet. The puppet of the government to get all the blame in the end anyways. Because the puppet can only do what the master commands.

Judgement will fall divinely, for all those pathetic money whores.
Money above lifes, Money above family, Money above all.

“Money makes the world go round, & around it will come”

American.

Poor American, Poor American.

Tears filled with sorrow,
Shoulders strained of stress,
Heart plunged in grief,
Not able to say a word.

Poor American, Poor American.

Worked so hard, day and night.
Never reconsidered, American dream kept in mind.
Faith in ‘freedom’, lost ‘everything’, like hell we tried.

Poor American, Poor American.

Has no own opinion, brainwashed completely.
Blindfold containing only arrogance, winded before the eyes freely.
Self-indulgence, a common sense, American wealth so appealing.

Poor American, Poor American,
Will follow one, who promises the most.
Even if the promises bring death to all except the ones who chose.
Their desires, unsatisfied as they will always be.
Poor American, Poor American.

Yours,

This life, is yours.
This body, is yours.
This intellect, is yours.

Dear, you worked so hard.
Dear, You endured so much.
Dear, what have you truly achieved?

These experiences, are yours.
These hardships, are yours.
These kisses, are yours.

Army of “Justice”

“We fight for Peace”

Awkward, to hear hired hounds say such quotes.
Because dogs is what they are, not more, not less.

They only fight for 1 nation, which they belong to.
They will fight for that nation, even if it is wrong or right.
If their government tells them to kill, they most probably will.
Even it were women, little children,  endangered animals; whatsoever.

So justice is the last thing they are trying to achieve.
They are more likely achieving the same paper as us.
They do not care about justice, they only care about money.
They are hired to kill, without killing there is no reason.

One ever said, “Terrorists have real goals and armies have none” Based on the reality that armies will always kill what opposes the government, since they get cold hard cash, & terrorists don not have nations to depend on.

Ask yourself, what IS the difference between a terrorist/soldier.?
& WHERE is our JUSTICE [& FREEDOM.?]

The Land of Freedom & Equality

The US,
The country of the patriots,
The country of the infinite opportunities,
The country of glamor & celebrities.

The US,
The country of Inequality.
The country of frauds.
The country of the ignorant.

This shit we all are in today, begun by them,
total freedom guaranteed while trading contracts,
so to get more profits, to enlarge the cake. (Mccain)
No brain, no results, because people could not pay up.

The only country that would throw cash at its citizens,
Would be America, a unique vision, to repair what is broken.

We have seen it in the past, We will see it in the future.
The only way to overcome such chaotic time, is by war.
Because war, brings money to the wealth, and that is justice.
So what is left, is to have patience and wait for the ‘Evil’ ones.

Credit Crisis; War not far.

When people do not have enough,
they will search for more, eventually kill to survive.

There is no escape, because it is our own fault,
we never cared about none other than paper.

This is all about us, not about them anymore.
People will lose jobs, then money, then food.

Divided opinions, no faith. No power to change the unchangeable.

N & W.

Needs & Wants.

To be purely honest, I never had a need for you, I don’t even need my parents anymore. Because needing is something necessary to be able to live. (That does not make it less valueable).

There is only one’s needs what is brought in their minds, especially in this flow of time. The only objects we need are food and water and some clothes. All the rest is just luxury not something we should be needy for, yet the more we get, the more we ‘need’.

Wants are most times unsatisfied. And when satisfied, it almost immediatly finds something else to want. I do wanted you, very very bad. I wanted you to be with me, & I thought you needed and wanted me at first, but you changed through the time. You might became stronger and not needed me anymore, but your love seemed to grow colder and you dont even wanted me anymore.

So to succeed we should secure our needs & limit our wants,
to such an extent that we feel comfortable at.

Desire.

When our hunger exceeds our limits of well being,
becomes a thrift, to excel, to compete with others,
the only reason we live for.

It may not be what our mind wants us to do,
it may even exceed the limits of our bodies,
plain breaking our vains. But since we all have been humans,
why not try observing and experimenting to find hidden urges,
since hunger reveals only more powers.

The Clearer the goal gets, the more we lose, the more power we gain.
The hunger only reveals our layers hidden with independent powers,
grown all along within us, through harsh experiences.
Something we can’t let go, since it is part of us.

Desire, to break all, that comes in our path.
To find the unsolved truth to our destiny,
walk the fated path, while relying on your instinct,
not on your logical mind.

Follow your desires, even when you lost everything,
Even when you killed your ones.
Even when you surpassed your master.
The path that may lead to destruction and distortion.

Because the need is there, and we all cant win, we had to comply.

Love,

such tenderness, all what we perceive as pain, fades.
all cries, all types of sorrow.
Could you stay with me, because I need you.?
Could you stay with me, because I am afraid..?
Could you stay with me, just to be with me…?

Why stay with one, you would not love,
no special flame, to call it love,
is like committing a sin with intensions of hurting oneself.

When love became a sin,
this world turned into a circle of hate and despise.

Judgement.

He who sits silently,
he who waits till someone turns to him to ask.
Just to ask, even for something so small.

Not moving, just observing.
Seeing everything without blinking an eye.

Those who work, those who cry.
Those who steal, those who kill.

Lack of power, for all mankind.
We can not change or even add something.
Everything that succeeds, is a gift of him.

This time.

Time, in which parents can’t control their own children.
Time, in which music comes out of boxes.
Time, in which glass can give vision.
Time, in which day and night are not anymore structured.
Time, in which huge metal-made products can fly.
Time, in which the sky is not clear anymore.
Time, in which water is not clean anymore.
Time, in which religion has become luxury.
Time, in which brothers kill each other for money.
Time, in which its all about sex, drugs and rock & roll.

Time, in which he will come.
Time, in which it will appear and talk.
Time, in which even more will die.

What comes around. goes around.

We transformed this whole planet, our species, our race.
we, the most powerful being this planet ever seen,
turned water into land,
destroyed woods and polluted the air.

Our peace. our delight.
Animals killed, blue air out of sight.
Our comfort, our existence.

Though expectations tell us our own kind is running towards extermination,
We cannot stop, we might not want to stop.
we have become our own god.

Timeless anxiety

No time, No time!
This to do, That to do.

Deadline for this, Deadline for that.
Stress for this, Stress for that.

week to week, Day by day.
Monthly rest may suit our schedule.

No time for love, No time for family.
Forget about religion, like we have time for that.

What will change in a year?
Yes, Totally nothing.

No time, No time!
This to do, that to do.

Desire

People have desires.
desires to be better than each other.
to have a better education,
to have a bigger house,
to drive a fancier car.

If not, happiness is cut in halve,
they feel demoted, they feel depressed.
always looking at each other,
that’s the way the bar is set.

Desires break us.

Hunger in our hearts

We all have it, at a certain time in our lives we feel this emptiness, something to fill it. It could be drugs, or maybe someone to love or whatever. We all feel this sorrow, we need something to enlighten us.
Humans are never satisfied, hunger never stops.
The more we get, the more we want.

Let us take relations for example. One sees another, & they are attracted to each other. There is a click. They start to like the ambiance between them a lot. They meet everyday. After that, there is sex. Thereafter some more. The ambiance starts to lessen. One starts to notice much more good stuff walking on this earth. Other goes on vacation. One goes out to the movies with someone he/she thinks is nice, the circle starts again. The other is terminated. We all see examples of this daily.

All men and women are attracted to each other. Everyone can get with everyone. Here in The Netherlands you get either sympathized with or laughed at when you tell on you’re 20th that your still virgin. “Don’t you need some good quality “time” ?~!”. I do not want to use the word love in this concept since it is just disgusting.
I believe the word is connected to god.

I used to feel some emptiness in my heart also, that is why I asked myself. “What is it I need or really want”. I wanted something or someone to take pressure of my back, to be there for me, to believe in me, in good and bad times. I do not necessarily need that anymore. When you will cry, you will always cry alone, with or without some other person.

Just recently, I got a pack of cigs from my boss, since I was the only one not smoking at my work & he knew I was having a lot of stress and always been attracted to it. He told me to keep it. I even bought a lighter. I have been very attracted to it, I do admit. I even showed my dad, he observed the pack and just gave it back without a word in return. I knew he was having a hard time but made me take my own responsibility for my actions and because he would not be able to stop me anymore if I would do it. Then I remembered how much I had hated it in the past & why I did not wanted to do it until now. I gave the pack to a classmate of mine & held on to the lighter, as a reminder.

I realized when entering the HES, average ages of at least 22. All these people are so called the top of this world. Though I’m the youngest of the class, though for that reason I’m called the baby of the class, I still can not believe there is a difference of 6 years between me and most of the students. All these people seem not to have learned anything about life, only living to drink beer and party and off course other ‘important’ stuff.

What is the point of having someone who is weak tagging along on ones back, never learning of their own mistakes. Constantly, making the same mistakes, over and over again. Let them stand on their own feet, if necessary let them fall.

I only need strong people, which learn of their mistakes. Closed minded are enough in this world.

At least 90% of all humans is incompetent.

Money makes this world

To earn a lot of money and be respected.
That’s what it is all about.
After the day it was all talk and just for the cold hard cash.

Students go to school, just to earn a bigger wallet.
One hates school, yet they go.
Money seems that important, a real necessity.
Because without money, no respect. [ In this society ]

Everybody talks about true love and how it solves everything.
But one cant even meet others parents when they don’t have a job.
It is said money does not matter when it is true love.
Money does matter, & so does one’s background.
That is why, Let us focus on our study, to become successful and live a miserable life. Just like everyone else nowadays. It is that, or become a junk, who is despised by the great, the respected.

So that is why, I’ll do my family a favor, let me do what my relatives could not. I will not walk the path of sin, let me earn a whole lot of money & earn my family some respect, so not to be seen as poor anymore & as a halve blood family without dignity, so my mother can walk without her head down low.

~ Humans will drink blood for money,
~ even kill their brothers,
~ disgusting creatures.

Rase

Walk straight, Chin up, Chest forward.
They look, but they cant harm us.
Take one step, & one more after that.
Dont be afraid.

Our blood might not be pure,
Our skin color might be a little dark.

Trying to live in peace, doing our best.
Violence is not what we are after.

Yet still they look & we can hear them.
Some of us might have no sort to bind with,
we might be different,
we might be cruel.
They might be right.

But let us walk straight, so to tear through them.
Since we might be monsters of the new world,
but don’t we have a right to live? to be happy?

Faith is all we have. In only one we have.
They will try & try. But they will not succeed.

Even when they kill our parents & our sons.
Let us walk. Let us walk.

Chaotic storm of thoughts

My mind, Chaotic storm of thoughts on an open sea.
Making everything fall apart on its path.
Though trying to keep it under control, emotions take the lead.

Want to succeed, but the same time wanna kill it.
Stormy sea, oh stormy sea,
Why cant you calm down?

So many paths to sway onto,
options infinite.
Which will be delight, will be fun?

Pressure, to be pressured.
Like blood that cant find its way through our vains.
Feels so poisonous,
To be unable to say whats in our hearts.

Nothing makes sense, is it worth the pain?
To just live is so stupid, life looks so unreal.
With a purpose so far away, to live might be useless.
To feel or not to feel, ~ this life will never end,
it will only continue on different paths because its endless.

16-08-08

Stress Stress Stress,
When it doesn’t go the way we plan.
Close one door and try the next.

How painful perfection can be.
Feels good, though it almost prevents from breathing.

Head full of stress, Heart full of pain.

want to stop, will stop [ for a second].[Or maybe just for a minute]

Kurosagi.

This review will be different, compared with others.
Because to me this Jdrama is different than others.
I could get along quite well with the main char,
a lot of things made me think,
and most parts were recognizing for me.

“Friends eh,?”
“Its a real useful word”
“It doesn’t matter if you re-open old scars
because its a friend, you can be forgiven.”
“And as a good friend you can give advice”

To lean on friends is same as gambling. How long will your support be there until it fades and you drop. Friends are nice to have, nice to have general chit-chat with. Being so weak to lean on them is pathetic, because 99% of them will fade, because either your popularity or bank account dropped.

“That isn’t allowed. Definitely not allowed.”
“If everyone ignores the law and does whatever they want,
then this society would become a mess, right?”
“The law cant protect people”.

“Those guys would definitely not play to lose”.
“Compared to victims they feel a lot better”.
“That’s the kind of people they are”

“Are you still here..”
“Are you okay?”.
“Its none of your business”.
…
“If you’ve already experienced this,
why do you still continue?”
“I think,, that sadness is healed by time”.
“But if you continue like this,
your sadness will not heal”.
“You’ll only become more sad, right?”
“That kind of life… It’s too painful”.
…
“You said it before right,.. Are you happy?”.
…
“I don’t need to be happy,
I don’t need anything anymore.”

“Not friendship,
~not love,
~nor cheap sympathy”.
“So can you stop it..?”.

Those who understand our society and try to change it will all fail, forever. Because to change something, us humans, that is so deceased, can only be done by something divine, so believe.

Storyline: 9
Character detail: 8
Graphical content:7,5
Quote’s: 9
Relations: 8
Favorite Char: Kurosaki
Total Score: 8,3

***************************************************************************************

Sometimes love hurts,

Bitter Sweet, though it hurts, this is life. This is beautifull.
Grab on to whatever you have faith in.
(I didn’t make this, just found it, and loved it.)

Photo’s Artistic.

<-  Illusionary RainkasD

<-Moving Magic~

<- Wonderfull Widow.

<-DayDreamsz+

<- Crowded Clay)

~”Collateral Climax”

Zombie LoAn.

Enjoyed anime, was quite interesting. Death, life, zombie were the themes of the anime. It had his own style of humor concerning death. Characters were very detailed, the anime had 11 episodes, quite short but good enough to stay interesting. The depth of the anime was well done, quote’s that stay in ones mind. It had his sad moments and also his happy moment, nicely variated.
Storyline: 7
Character detail: 7,5
Graphical content: 6,5
Quote’s: 7,5
Relations: 6
Favorite Char: Shito.

Total score: 6,9

50 Things Girls should Know about Guys ;]

1. Guys hate sluts.

2. “Hey, are you busy?” or “Are you doing something?” ~ two phrases guys open with to stop from stammering on the phone.

3. Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.

4. Before they call, guys try to plan out a little about what they’re gonna say so there aren’t awkward pauses, but once he’s on the phone he forgets it all and makes it up as he goes.

5. Guys go crazy over a girl’s smile.

6. Guys will do anything just to get you to notice him.

7. Guys hate it when you talk about your ex-boyfriend or ex love-interest. Unless they’re goin for the let-her-complain-to-you-and-then-have-her-realize-how-wonderful-and-nice-you-are method.

8. A guy who likes you wants to be the only guy you talk to.

9. Boyfriends need to be reassured often that they’re still loved.

10. Don’t talk about your guy friends to your boyfriend.

11. Guys get jealous easily.

12. Guys are more emotional than they’d like people to think.

13. Giving a guy a hanging message like “You know what?!..uh…never
mind..” would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are thinking. And he’ll assume he did something wrong and he’ll obsess about it trying to figure it out.

14. Guys are good flatterers when courting but they usually stammer when they talk to a girl they really like.

15. Guys hate asking parents for money to buy girls presents. So they come up with ideas like saving their lunch money for a week. But it never works because guys are always hungry so they end up asking the parents for money anyway.

16. Girls are guys’ weaknesses.

17. Guys are very open about themselves.

18. It’s good to test a guy first before you trust him. But don’t let him wait too long.

19. Your best friend, whom your boyfriend seeks help from about his problems with you may end up being admired by your boyfriend.

20. If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him. You don’t need to give advice.

21. A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you.

22. Guys love you more than you love them if they are serious in your relationships.

23. Guys will brag about anything.

24. Guys use words like hot or cute to describe girls. We rarely use beautiful. If a guy uses that, he likes you.

25. Guys think WAY too much. One small thing a girl does, even if she doesn’t notice it can make the guy think about it for hours, trying to figure out what it meant.

26. Guys seek for advice from girls not other guys. Because most guys think alike, so if 1 guy’s confused, then we’re all confused.

27. Any guy could write out a rulebook or advice book for flirting, but no guy can write out a book about relationships.

28. Try to be as straightforward as possible.

29. A guy has to experience rejection, because if he’s too-good-never-been-busted, never been in love and hurt, he won’t be mature and grown up.

30. If the guy does something stupid in front of the girl, he will think about it for the next couple days or until the next time he spends time with the girl.

31. No matter how much guys talk about asses and boobs, personality is key.

32. Guys learn from experience not from the romance books that girls read and take as their basis of experience.

33. Guys worry about the thin line between being compassionate and being whipped.

34. If a guy looks unusually calm and laid back, he’s probably faking it and is spazzing inside.

35. When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl, he really is. Guys rarely say that.

36. When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he’s just actually saying, “Please come and listen to me.”

37. Guys don’t really have final decisions.

38. If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him. It doesn’t happen that often, so when it does, you know something’s up.

39. If your best guy friend seems to avoid you or is never around when you’re with your boyfriend, he’s probably jealous and likes you.

40. When a guy looks at you for longer than a second, he’s definitely thinking something.

41. Guys like femininity not feebleness.

42. Guys don’t like girls who punch harder than they do.

43. A guy has more problems than you can see with your naked eyes.

44. Don’t be a snob. Guys can be intimidated and give up easily.

45. Everything in moderation. Put on makeup, wear perfume. Just not too much.

46. Guys talk about girls more than girls talk about guys.

47. Guys hate rejection, but they hate being led on even more.

48. Guys really think that girls are strange and have unpredictable decisions and are MAD confusing but somehow are drawn even more to them.

49. A guy would give his left nut to be able to read a girl’s mind for a day.

50. No guy can handle all his problems by his own. He’s just too stubborn to admit it.

*PS: This was NOT made by me, I just happend to find it.*

Dears

DearS;
It was an ordinary comedy/romance anime, something like 100% ichigo and with the flavor of Chobits. At first I thought it might be a ‘Chobits’ rip-off, but there was quite a difference between the anime. It entertained me quite well, without getting bored.  Sometimes its a bit edgy (the female GTO-type teacher,xD). Though I recommend this anime, I would advice to watch it right after finishing Chobits, because it sometimes looks alike (the main character of this 1 is a bit more unfriendly than the 1 in Chobits; and a little more edgy as I mentioned). I personally think the last episode was the best, and made my opinion of the anime increase alot.
Favorite character: Xaki,
Favorite couple: Ren and Takeya
Overall rating: I think its worth a 7,5 (the 0,5 extra because of the last episode)

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Sayonara zetsubou sensei.

Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei;
The anime is about an depressed teacher, who is teaching a class somewhat against his will, who is wanting to die but his cowardness saves him (“What If I died?~!). When I first saw a review on a site, the comments said it was a little like GTO and it was edgy also. I personally think GTO suited me a little better, because sometimes when watching I had breathing problems of the extensive laughing :p. A friend of mine had the same “problem” with this anime, so I think its a bit about personal taste. It has dry humor and on top of that its educational also(You get to know a lot of things like what a hikikomori is, there are a lot of things explained at the end of almost each episode). There were also subject handled in class about things one could relate to, I think that was cool. I really enjoyed the difference in characters in the anime, one very depressive, other o so positive, another sms “freak-a-leak”, and an Illegal immagrant (and a lot more) The little scenes after the ending song were nice also.
Favorite character; The Illegal Immigrant Tarou Maria Sekiutsu,
Favourite Couple: Kafuka Fuura & Zetsubou Sensei
(The positive and negative)
Overall Rating; 7,

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Today and Now.

Time moves so fast, though people try to pace up this eternal flowing river. As I walk through my days of working and studying for exams, I feel relaxed and not stressed.

I try my best at the exams and try to support them around me, taking their fears. Enjoy the time I spent in the bus to get to work, listening to music and watching down the streets. Soon I will leave this school behind me, the time I spent on it made me wiser and into what I am now.

I even met a teacher at this school, I felt like he had something like my grandfather. I never knew my grandfather, he died when I was young. (Other 1 is still alive but in Pakistan). He was always telling me to keep doing my homework, even hitting me xD. To not go after girls, to be a good gentlemen, I liked that. And when he once saw me doing something inappropriate, he came and told me what was up. He made me realize a thing or 2.

~He is 1 of the amazing people I will never forget.

Soon,, Soon enough it’ll be time, but till that time…
Live for the moment, not for the day.
Care for the loner, but not to stray.

~ 2005 ..?

This is me,
Torn apart, 2-faced, and determined.

I, seen as popular and got envied a lot,
No1 ever saw me, No1 every saw me as I fought.
They only saw the illusion I made, they’d just been caught.
As playing my role, I forgot,
What I was and what I became, through my own plot.

The real me, the grudged, forgotten 1 crying inside,
Never showing any emotions, still perfectionating for my own fight.
Everything faded, no reason to go hunting for a ray of light.

~ Goodbye.

Understanding is the halve of the job, doing it is the other part.
You never seemed confident of your intentions (towards me),
always going for a little 50 %. Just take it or leave it.

Since you are not able I will do this for you.

My choice is to leave you alone. Only thing I’ll be able to do is to hurt you more. Because the way you walk through life is not mine, and might never be, what you may experience as power only shows me signs of weakness.

The way I felt, no hands that could support me if I was falling.
No shoulders to lean on, because I must be strong.
Always misunderstood.

You say, “watashi wa shinjiru”, but I only saw sparkles of enlightenment & you could not keep it up. Where you choose to depend on others, I forced myself to walk alone, without stumbling.

The level im on right now, is not your level. I live solid, I live without hessitation, without regret. I lost precious ones in times you were not around & when I needed you the most,.. you never noticed.

While typing I feel afraid, I ask myself; wont I be lost…
but that doesn’t matter, because im a true believer,
faillure doesn’t fit me.

The time with you formed me up another level of consciousness.

I dont have any words left to tell you, take care of yourself,
become what you must, and if you’re able, forgive me.

Goodbye for now or goodbye forever.

~Arumina, DQ
 

CCP (Close Capped Power)

~ ”I cant win this fight”
~ “I cant fulfill my dreams of life”
~ “I cant ‘go on’ without you (I dont trust you)”

 ~> Is it really one cant do such things? Or is it better to say: ‘I wont’.

Male or Female, * Mentally*Powers the same.
~The power to trust the 1 you love, without Crossed feelings.~
~Do/Endure what you must, Enjoy whenever you can.
~ There is always an easier way,
  the more power you’re able to breach, the easier it gets~
~ Time can be manipulated by one,
  stop dragging burdens within yourself.

Inevitable reunion.

You, My friend and Foe.

You,
made me suffer, made me fall.
made me stumble, made me crawl.

Walked all over me like I was just trash,
Talking arrogantly to me to take a step back.

Tears wanting to show me grace,
Tears wanting to show me peace,
I refused.
~Kono me ni yakitsuita kimi wo wasure ha shinai.~

With the pain I beared inside,
I learned to walk once again, with a torn confidence.
I learned to stand tall, to measure myself with this eternal fence. 
~Ima mo.. imademo dareka no yasashi kotoba yori.~

I will not let you escape, I will see through you dont run.
As I will kill you if necessary, because we have something,..
that has to be done.
~Nigeru koto sae yurusarenai sekai de.~

My body holds more burdens than one can count,
 ~yet you will be in the need,
to use up all that lies within you to make me suffer without sound,
~even if its only for ones inner greed.

You, My friend and Foe.
Our reunion is inevitable,  must’ve felt it.
Ones power will be fed by the greed for more.
~Kimi to mouichido, waraiaeru sono hi made.~

¤”zettai wasurete janai, MM” ~ June, 2006¤

In love with you, my hater.

Although you hate me, although you despise me. 
loving you,  just cant stop loving you.

In a darkened light I stood, I watched over you,.
Shady shadows mingled all over my face, 
You hesitated, still waiting for a clue. 
By the time you started to leave I managed to lean on you. 

Eyes glowing up out of the darkness and you wonder
is he real, or just an illusion.
As you gazed at me with those eyes, full of distrust,
By the time I told you the number,
you were too far away to even murmur.

Easy Target

You think that I don’t know you,
but do you know who you are yourself?

They told you things that might’ve hurt you,
They might’ve tried to break you, they might’ve tried to take you.
It might’ve hurt, but ‘it’ would not be so beautifull without,
Once you understand the message you’ll be able to pass them far out.

Indecisive is your faillure, untill you overwin it.
You asked for advice, yet you cant bring it.
I might not know you, they might not, and yet you ask.
They can only give advice of what they know, clearly not about beneath your mask.

Answers one wants, can only be given by oneself.
Regretting once made decisions only make you weak,
The one you want to be, only keeps fading in whats left.
Keep searching for the answers you seek.

And find out what you want to be.

+ Acceptance is power for development +

Happyness

One may find sorrow in words others have said,
while not finding joy in the words, they just forget.

“Happyness is for those who grab and hold on to it,
  the courageous warriors within us”

Happyness would not feel so good, if there was no pain,
with no pain, this life would not be real.
Everyone struggles, and will eventually die, yes
The route has been walked billions of times,
Those who enjoyed walking are blessed.

“The power what has been given to us by nature is all equal, the mind blocks or boosts its natural flow”

Those who seek for the end, have forgotten a basic thought.
They have forgotten something important,
something that can’t be told.
“This world, we lived, we fought.”

“Baby’s are the most beautifull creatures on earth,
as they are purely free and happy”
Exactly the way we all could be if we just knew… 
If we just knew what to do,
do you know? do you really know and realise?

I am truly happy and truly free,
the people I wanted to have are with me,
their blessings, their guidance, their tears.

I live on, everyday, not waiting for the end,
as the time ticks, the sorrow will never overflow me,
because I chose that it wont, my loves are godsend.

Change in any way, do what you must, but don’t ever close your heart from the enlightment of love.

Happyness through courage,
                                                            courage through trust, 
 trust through friendship.

DQ, Learning and experiencing everyday.

This world is rotting because people forgot how to truly enjoy and love, they have started to love to hate others, it becomes worse everyday. The only way is to stop hating, and heal your innerself, and then spread.

” + = + ;  - = -”  The beginpoint always receives what it sends.
It begins with you.

Absolute love.

The future,.. None of us know for sure what it’ll bring,
 I dont know what it can or might bring,
But I know, I’ll never give up on the things I adore, the things I love.
I try not to think about the time that’ll be coming, good nor negative,

I live now, loving you and everyone with all that I got,
embracing the times that’d been hard,

Loving without boundries, without fears, without negativity.
Once consumed by hate, never dared to dream
about what’s happening now,
You & me once again together, without eyebrows been frown.

School

While writing this, Im trying to make up my mind what I want do to,
I know for certain that I want to do something economic referring to Asian countries, though..

But I’m not sure which kind of studies should I do ..

As I was certain for a while, that I wanted to do TMA,
but I’m now thinking that it would be too easy (not ment as arrogant).
As for I would want to do some sort of studies in Asian Economics,
but I would want to do it at an ‘master’ lvl and not on an ‘badgelor’ lvl.

hmmmm… I’m meeting up with an student of IFM next tuesday,
I hope his answers will help me a little.

logging out,

DQ»*¤

Harsh Truth.

Yes, Like Yagami said: ‘This world is rotten.’
As there are and have been a lot of revolutionists that have noticed it,
many have given their lives to try and unlock a revolution to stop this,
to stop this insanity, this fraud, this corruption.

Cho Seung-hui,  Pekka-Eric Auvinen and many more died.
They saw the truth & tried to change this world by force,
but they failed as they were trying to defeat hate with hate.

I too was lost in this spiral, Seeking for enlightenment in the dark.
The only solution I saw in that period, was elimination of the narrow minded, to bring justice and righteousness to this world by force.

Not seeing the foolishness of this perception, I was waiting for justice,
waiting for justice, while beeing prepared to see others die. 
I did not realised I was beeing torn by this inner grudge, this hate,
that resolved my heart, into nothing but sorrow to myself.

As I did not realised it till an Imam spoke to me and my family,
that we cannot become the great examples of islam,
if a grudge inside us, speaks to see death,  to see hatred.

Altough he spoke to all of us, It looked like he only spoke towards me.
It was as if a new door opened, a new way of thinking.
It all began to make sense, as I saw how I changed by hatred.

What I used to be and what I am now,
I will not be consumed by hatred once again.
This is how I fall and This is how I stand up,
This is how I pray and This is how I live up.

Dont fight hate with hate,..

DQ>|¤.

Childhood~

There is always one moment in childhood when the door opens and lets the future in. 

When you finally go back to your old hometown, you find it wasn’t the old home you missed but your childhood.

The greatest poem ever known
Is one all poets have outgrown:
The poetry, innate, untold,
Of being only four years old.

Childhood is a promise that is never kept.

If you carry your childhood with you, you never become older.

I’d give all wealth that years have piled,
The slow result of Life’s decay,
To be once more a little child
For one bright summer day.

What we remember from childhood we remember forever – permanent ghosts, stamped, inked, imprinted, eternally seen. 

¤^SD^¤

Lonely.

It’s been 17 year’s that i was born,
with the fate of making pass life without a female partner.
I, Murat have experienced a lot of horrible sorrow and happiness.
And when I was experiencing them I never had
a female partner to sooth my feelings.
Is it because of my look’s? Or is it because of my behaviour?
God knows…
Are the Sisters of Faith making me crumble like a stone in a desert
for some kind of reason,…..Please give me a reason! 
Will I finally meet her in this humble year of my life.

^SD^

¤Re-united

Ever since ‘it’ changed within me, the dream I had, the fear I beared.
You finished all of it in 1 slice, I did not understand, until now,.
Why..?
Why you made me fall, made me fall; even though..
even though you saw I was scared,.
Scared of the monster crawling all around me, trying to get me.
And when I fell, my whole body went numb. It took my breath away.

That time, I realised; that monster was me.
Even though I still not completely understand what it is,
I know it was ment to be a part of me.

(posts that hold an ¤ in their name, are memorizers for me,
It does not hold any value for any other.)

¤»DQ«¤
 

Sympathy

I wont show you any Sympathy,
Because you dont need it, you’re just wanting to feel comforted,
when I see you’re in pain, I see that look in your eyes,
wanting to be comforted,
That’s why I’ll only show you this coldness,
probably making you feel worse.

It might help, but when I’m gone,  and you have that look again,,
I wont be there to comfort you.
Those others will not show any sympathy,
they will just break you more and more.
It’s tough, when your feeling down,
wanting someone to understand you.

But,, this is just the beginning of this revolution,
you cant become this weak, this pathetic.
I wont be part of this, of this pathetic play.
You’re coming with me,..
even if I have to drag you all the way to the top.
I’ll make you stronger, probably sometimes making you feel like shit,
boiling the hate,,. the arrogance within you.

And I know,
In the end,

Its all gonna be ok.,

¤»DQ«¤